Marrying in Holland: Jitters and butterflies

Officially married for over a month but the jitters and butteflies still feels like it was yesterday. Never in my entire life did I imagined getting married to Martijn with how the pages of my books were unveiled in the past years but here I am, married. Happy and constantly falling in love with my husband.

The road to where I am now was not easy though being with my husband was the easiest thing in the world. Last night, I read a quote shared by my online friend that says:"3 kinds of love. First love, second love and third love." If you're a hopeless romantic who has been waiting to feel that spark, then I think you know what it means. This basically means that in life, you will meet 3 kinds of love. Your first love, the young idealistic love. Something you don't forget but will eventually forget. Second love, something that you hope will end in fairytale but are so full of heartaches and disappointments - the love and make up kind of story which eventually ends in tears and the third love which surpasses all the first two stories you've tried to rewind in your head. This is the love that accepts the whole of you with no shame and boundaries. The kind of love that eventually ends in a sort of fairytale. And that is how I found Martijn.

Life is not easy. Loving and appreciating someone who's out of your comfort zone is totally scary but when it hits you, it hits you hard and you'll come around to finding ways on how to compromise and work it out - not just two individuals but one person with two heads and pairs of hands to sail a boat. 

When Martijn got on one knee and we decided to get married, there were a lot of questions in my head but it all boiled down to how excited I was to finally have his last name next to mine (though I've grown good at hiding my real emotions in certain situations - I did had butterflies each time I think of our wedding day). For most part, I was scared that he will change his mind out of the blue, just like the scenes I've watched in the movies. And there were the fears of how it will be, the stress of getting all the requirements and announcing it to social media like a pro. But most of all, it was about the fear of going out from the comfort zone of being single for a long time then signing to a forever commitment with someone so special - you think it was impossible. But it was possible.

Our engagement was not the typically planned out of the blue proposal (though he was asked me a couple of times via skype if I'll marry him), the real deal was fascinatingly cute. Never did I expect Martijn would be on one knee, asking me the big "will you" question. When we were dating, we've discussed about marriage. Planning on marrying once I get a residence permit and working here. I, on my part wanted to be married as soon. The filipino culture is not a fan of partnership or two people living together in one roof. When we went to the city hall to ask for requirements, we had no intentions of marrying this year but we ended up reserving a wedding date and from there the rest was history.

Getting engaged and planning a simple wedding in 7 months was unimaginable but doable. The stress level might be a bit high especially for women but it's all worth it. I was at one point a bridezilla, I'm a tad OC in some aspects in life and I do like taking my time in processing things and enjoying every details while Martijn is the typical guy who cramps up on the last minutes but calm and collected in most days. Prepping for the wedding day made me realised just how great of a team we are. We are opposites in ways but so much the same. I was never the hopeless romantic, I'm a realists and I'm hard to please, I am even hard on myself at times but meeting someone like my husband has made me appreciate all the flaws that I have that is pretty much compatible to his. It's like he always says - we're perfect for each other.

Marriage is not a walk in the park. Getting engaged is fun, it is one of life's highlights. It makes you become the envy of other singles. It puts you high on a cloud that sometimes, you have to pinch your self to get back to reality, at least that's how I felt back then. Planning a wedding, going into details is stressful but a great way of knowing more about your self and your future husband. Planning a wedding and getting married is expensive, there will come a point where all the jitters and butterflies will mainly be just jitters but at the end of the day when you see the progress and work you've made, you can breath a little and look forward to the big day. 

The wedding day itself is not what most of us fantasises when we were young. I had a terrible sleep the night before the big day and my make up on the day itself didn't cooperate with my face but it went well. What I'm trying to say is that, a little glitched will not stop you from having the best day of your life to a life long of glitches in married life. Never did I imagined that I'll be married abroad, to a country where I have to learn the language but to where I feel so at home.

And yes, you read that right, being married to a dutch national doesn't mean I automatically become dutch without first learning the language nor the culture. In a few weeks, I have to apply for a residence permit so I could stay here longer than 90 days but first, I have to take a language and knowledge of society exam back home in the Philippines to be able to apply for the permit. If I pass all structures of the test which includes reading, listening and speaking then I'm good. Martijn can apply for my permit and all I have to do is wait. So, you see it's not as easy as most people think it is but this is part of the little things we have to do to be with the person we love. 

Every day is a new learning experience with my husband. Sometimes, we have pity fights but most of the days, at the end of the day I'm glad that he didn't changed his mind in marrying me or that I didn't held unto tight to my comfort zone because honestly, I am having the best days of my life with Martijn. I am settled with the man who came back to say hello and decided to stay. I am home with the person who gives me jitters and butterflies since 2008. 

Here's to hoping that most of you are brave enough to take chances in love. To go out of your comfort zones and find that person who'll make you feel all the feels and make you scared.

Mr & Mrs de Roos