As I try to jot down lines for this posts, I can't help but wonder how 2020 made such an impact not just on one single life - but to all of ours. When this year started, I was filled with confidence that I will finally be free from my cancer woes and can start living the life that I felt I was deprived with by the medical treatments and procedures I went through but heck no - 2020 was a banger with a high pitch ring.
But, as all the other years that passed, where we felt unlucky - this year is no different - this year is a little special because everything stopped at the blink of an eye. This year, I lost two cancer fighter friends, I lost my grandmother and my husband's grandfather. I was told that I'll only be getting 3 cycles of second line chemotherapy but I ended getting all 6 and still not a clear scan. And if it couldn't get any worst, Mobee had a series of bleeding from a wound, my husband was hit with CoVid19 (he's doing better) and now, I am diagnosed with a Chronic Insufficiency on my Venous system. You see, if you think your year was bad - I say - ours was better than the rest of those who lost their loved ones due to the pandemic.
Believe me, I wanted to scream at this year. I find myself crying at night even at this very moment, I am because 2020 is too much and it's the real bully of all the bullies we've ever faced but then I look at myself in the mirror... I have a hair - I look at my love ones... they are well - we're alive albeit with some age inspired illness but we are here, closing this year that broke our hearts but also made us appreciate the things that truly matters.
Yesterday, I had a chat with some friends and they said - they are proud of how positive I sit in spite all the hardships I went through - I found myself in a soft whisper "because I have no choice". I do have a choice, I always believe we have two options or more in every situations we are in, we can either choose to fuck up or to be happy. As one IG cancer warrior I follow says - "choose". Choose to be happy, to be grateful. I am doing that.
Although, I may whine about the body aches I feel - I choose to look at the better tomorrow. I am grateful for 2020 despite all the fears, doubts and worries it has inflicted my family especially to my parents. I am here writing this entry, able to eat... in spite all the medical dramas I may have, I am grateful to have gone through another 6 cycles of treatment with flying colors even though I got hospitalized for low magnesium and almost loss my nails but I am here... And that's what matter.
If you find yourself contemplating that this year ran over you a little too much - always remember that these situations don't last forever. Every day is a miracle and things can change in an instant. We don't know what 2021 may bring but let's be confident for the best. May we continue to learn to adapt, appreciative and be happy.
Cheers to the upcoming year! May God continue to reign in our hearts. May our prayers be louder than our fears and may we continue to flow with the waves in style and in tune with positivity. Sharing below my top 9 photos of what I am grateful for this year.
1. I am grateful for family. My parents who stood by me at the worst moments in life and still loves me in spite all the tantrums that I throw.
2. Grateful for our new kitten, Ming2x. If you remember last year, our female kitten was stolen.
3. I am grateful for my husband who in spite fighting CoVid19 on his own, came out triumphant and it also doesn't hurt that he has lose a tremendous amount of weight. #proudwife
4. Grateful for friends who despite the distance still manages to catch up as if 20 or so years just happened yesterday. Thank you for your constant prayers. May our prayers for each other always be loud.
5. I am grateful for successfully finishing 6 cycles of chemotherapy. Losing my hair over again was the worst nightmare. Happy to have gone through minimal side effects.
6. Grateful for being able to celebrate my birthday this year with a little bang. First time to have a balloon and cake in a long time.
7. I am grateful for Mobee, who has been my companion since I started my cancer journey. Couldn't imagine how dull life would be without him following me every where.
8. Grateful for being able to see and witness God's beautiful paintings just in our foyer.
9. I am grateful to be a live. To be well in spite the pains I may feel. Thank you Lord God for the many blessings.
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