A couple of weeks ago Martijn and I celebrated our second wedding anniversary. Two years of being away from each other went by fast. Although, my husband had been coming to the Philippines for a visit in the last years - it is still a little odd that a young married couple are celebrating their blissfulness in different time zones but there are circumstances that we can't predict nor run away from - CoVid19 happened.
Last year, I posted an entry on the 8 lessons we learned in a span of one year being married. This year, I was trying to top what I previously wrote but only ended on 5 lessons which was mostly from my husband. I'd say nothing much has changed in our set up, though there are a lot of changes - I am still partly bald from all my cancer treatment and Martijn has started losing weight. One thing remains - I am still happily married and in love with my husband.
Communication, since we are both on Long Distance Relationship - it is important to have a constant communication - of any form; messaging, video call and believe it or not - email (my husband is a fan of this). An open communication is necessary for couples who are spending most of their days apart. Never forget to say hi in the morning and goodnight in the evening. We usually a lot a time for video call. We keep track of each other's plan for the day and would randomly send photos of each other - of what we're doing or where we currently are.
Be Selfless, being away from each other - somehow makes us all feel a little selfish. There are instances, where I feel that I am not that involved in my spouse's life, that sometimes I feel, he is not as present in mine as well. These emotions can sometimes pile up and cause us to unconsciously demand more from our wife/husband. Being selfless means being able to respect your partners choices and opinions. Listening to each other, no matter how shallow the whines might be. I've previously wrote that Martijn is such a good listener which balances my need to be heard. It is of course a give and take - two way street.
Go With The Flow, be the couple who doesn't think so much of what they can and can't control. The world as it is, is full of unpredictable circumstances that could either make or break you both. Stand still and ride the tides of the storm with courage and faith. Martijn and I, albeit our marriage is still young had been quiet on a roller coaster. My husband is a dreamer, an optimist and I am a realist - pessimist. A complete opposite but somehow, we both have to agree that in order for our relationship to continually grow - we have to go with the current and see the views we pass by. The world might be too shallow and scary but if we have each other to hold hands and to stand together though miles apart then we're all good.
Always Be Positive, stand your guard and don't let it down. I have to admit that there were so many instances where I've been throwing my husband endless fires of tantrums and I've noticed that he has never let his shield down nor given up on us. In spite all my flaws - our flaws, we have decided to stick to other and think of what lies in the future for us. My husband once said "the world doesn't seem to like us very much". It got stuck in my head and made me think but then if we both decide to get stuck by that idea then we will not move forward and grow together as husband and wife. It is necessary that when the other feels that the world is colliding endlessly - the other has to be the torch that brings in positivity and lifts the other. Martijn usually cracks the joke when my mood seems blue and when it's his moment, I try my best to be the funny Asian that I can be.
Make It Work, a married couple are two different individuals with different perspectives - making it a little impossible to be on the same page but given the circumstances that you might be in, make it work. Compromise whenever the situation calls for it. Always respect each other's boundaries. You might be married but keep in mind that you're two different people. As much as possible, try your best to be there for the other. Support each other no matter what. Last year Martijn started a little house project but it didn't mean that I can't be part of it because I was virtually with him in choosing furnitures and in deciding which and what to buy (although I would usually see the photos once I'm up because of the time difference).
Initially, I wanted to write 8 lessons learned in a span of two years but in my husband's word; "we can't always learn 8 lessons every year or else we'll have more than a hundred". Although, I would gravely disagree on that because learning something about each other and about our union, is never ending - I would partly nod, since I can't think of anything else to jot down.
Being away for two years instead of being on the same roof and learning something new every day, Martijn and I are apart. No regrets nor pity thoughts about our situation, for I know that God has greater purpose for all of these. We might not always be on the same page but my husband and I are on the same boat, reading and writing the same fairytale. Wishing all the best for married couples who are affected by the recent world crisis. Let's all cheer up. Let's all keep an open communication, be selfless, go with the flow no matter how bad it might be, always stay positive in faith and make it work for always.
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